WARNING: I’m about to go off. If you’re under about 13 you may have heard some of these words on the play ground. Do not repeat them. If you’re over 13 and your parents don’t kick your butt for saying them, they should. If you’re an adult and you get offended easily, bummer. Welcome to the internet, I highly recommend you don’t click past the break. If you are a prospective employer of mine, please understand that this is done out of love for my community and please consider it a showing of my passion for my hobby.
First off let’s take a look at what just sparked this. Here’s a shiny new app that just hit the app store:
And here’s my take on the description:
iFlatulator is a Digital Sound Entertainment application bringing endless fun and laughter to your iPhone and iPod Touch.
WTF ever this is a Digital Sound Entertainment application. Bullshit. This is nothing. It is less than nothing. It’s not entertaining (unless you’re a young boy or a drunken college kid). If you’re anything above the puberty stage this is absolute nonsense crap. If it is funny – it lasts for about 3 seconds until you realize you’re an idiot.
Right for any occasion, the iFlatulator app is what everyone needs. Not sure which Fart is right for the occasion? Just shake your iPhone and it will randomly select one for you just like the real thing!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Right for any occasion?! Really. Which fart noise says: My best friend just got married and I’m giving the best man speech right this second? Which one says: I just spent the last 7 years earning my doctorate in theology and I’m shaking hands with the dean? Any occasion? Which one best says: Uncle Billy just had a stroke and I’m calling his wife to let her know?
Reality is this was funny for about a minute. iFart Mobile started this whole genre on the iPhone and it deserves to be at #1 (for a couple days) simply because it was one of the applications that busted down part of the Apple wall of control. However, even IFM’s time is short. These applications are a novelty sure, but do we really need almost 60 of them? Let me ask you something else. How many morons do you really think there are in the app store buying things? I mean seriously. iFart Mobile made $30,000 in ONE DAY. Do you really think there’s going to be 59 applications that do the same thing that bring in that kind of cash? NO. There’s no possible way. You missed that gravy train. Go invent something original.
So here’s my plea to everyone who is out there putting finger to keyboard in XCode. If you’re considering making one of these applications: DON’T. Don’t make a farting application, don’t make a flag waving application, don’t make an application that tells me how many days are left until july 4TH. Why?
Here’s why…
As it is right now you’ve accomplished nothing worthy of being impressed by. Big deal – you’ve used a picker wheel and wired that to a sound file. WOO-DI-DOO. If I had to I could do that and I can’t hardly tell you anything about programming. Some of these apps are nothing more than going into interface builder, dropping some Round Rect buttons, putting a bit of text on them and then connecting that to an IBAction which determines which button was pressed and triggers the correct sound file. Woop-di-fukin-do. I’m about as non-capable in the SDK as they come, but even I could go download some fart noises and produce something of equal quality as these people.
Reality is this – I continue to be amazed by the amount of absolute crap that shows up in the app store. So, here’s the call I’m making right here and right now:
DEVELOPERS: I am drawing the line with my money. If you’ve determined you’re going to produce a crap app – I’ve determined my money is not going to be spent with you. EVER. I don’t give two shits if EA comes out with a fart app tomorrow. I’m done buying from EA if they do. You think a flag waving application is in your future? Wave goodbye to anything I would have spent on all your products and any chance you would have had of me spending time on a review of it. Countdown application? Be sure to count down the 3 seconds its going to take for me to head back to main page of the app store and away from your crap apps.
END RANT
Oh, and I’ll be stepping up to the plate, putting my proverbial money where my mouth is. But be dammed if I’m going to spend this much time learning how to program in Obj. C just to put out a fart application.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m thinking belch, fart and puke app. As an added bonus I’ll throw in a tip calculator and price it at .49!
Wow, you sure hate these crapps, as I call them (crapps = crap apps). I do understand your frustration, Brandon, and with all due respect, why do you make such a big deal out of it? I mean, it’s pretty obvious that there are loads of crapps in the app store, but why don’t you do like me: ignore them! I know, I know. It might be hard, and like you, I like to rant at stuff when I’m pissed but you’re only contributing to the hype about these shitty apps by writing such a rant. We know there are many shit apps, let’s not put them under the spotlights any longer.
You’re right, these guys are in it for the money, but can we blame them? Certainly not! The App Store is somewhat of a free market (by free I mean with very few rules, except porn, etc…) and I think it is good, although it could be better if it was totally open… Now it’s our responsibility, users, to make the right choice about the app we want to buy or not. If there are people stupid enough to buy these apps, then great for the dev, he’s making $.70 out of it. It’s sad that some people would buy that, but hey, I think people in general are stupid, so this would comfort me in this idea.
I think you wasted too much of your time writing about these apps (and other similar countdown crapps). Take a deep breath and think about the next good review you’re gonna write because that’s why we come to JAIB
Bravo!!!
That’s it! One thing here is, Apple let every one and HIS DOG, use thee SDK and it seems like a lot of the early experiments people “create”, make it through the screening process. Why don’t Apple filter out the crap, and bad smells. It doesn’t seem to compliment the companies design ethos.
I completely agree with this article. I’m an iPhone developer, and I’m continually amazed at the sheer volume of crap in the store.
So far, we’ve created a fairly successful, albeit pretty simple, application called Elevation Pro. It wasn’t all that difficult to write, but it does add value to the iPhone platform in general (it lets you get your elevation even on original 2G iPhones and iPod Touch devices).
As a company, we sit and watch apps like iFart Mobile and iBeer take the App Store by storm and we are continually amazed that people pay for the stuff. How many whoopee cushion apps can there possibly be?
Anyway, you don’t have to worry about my company contributing to the problem. For every iFart there is an Ocarina, and we are striving to make more relevant and useful applications because we know that’s where the long term money is at.
Eventually, the chaos will die down as the market matures, and hopefully we’ll see more real apps rather than novelty apps.
AMEN. I, too, am getting tired of browsing what I am increasingly calling the crApp Store looking for something useful. I suppose I shouldn’t complain TOO much, since users will be compelled to come to sites like this for information on truly useful apps.
@asinesio – actually I had come across your app before. Seems like an interesting idea, not sure if its something I need, but I can definitely see a use for it.
For those of you interested – here’s the iTunes link for Elevation Pro — http://tinyurl.com/8nb3y2
@Sebastien – sorry I would have comment earlier – but your reply just showed up. Anyway, I got my rant out of the way and I feel better. Long story short here is the Crapps get in my way, and while I would love to ignore them I can’t and neither can you.
I want to focus on the good apps. I want to wake up and look at all the new apps that were released and actually be able to see them and appreciate the work that went into them. The problem is now that in order to find a good app you have to weed through 30 pages are shart… which is frankly a waste of my time. Take last night/yesterday for example: There were over 200 new apps to hit the store. I spent 15 minutes looking through them all, and there were only a handful that weren’t utter crapola.
I may not be paying for these Crap-Apps, but at the same time I really am paying for them, only with my time instead of my money.
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